Heitzig Disputes Word “is”

The hopes of the world were hinging on an un-substantiated notice that Skip Heitzig would in fact be resigning as the board chair at CCABQ. The 6 horsement of the Albequercolips were ready to ride in victorious as soon as the announcement was made official. Unfortunately, the anticipated events didn’t come to pass. Skip still remains in control of the Calvary Connection empire which includes: CCABQ, the radio station, OHChurch, Jesse James (still chained up in Skip’s garage), The Truffle Pig Breeding Farm and of course, dailyfoot rubs from Chip Lusko, (in exchange for a 6 figure income).

When Skip was questioned on his U-Turn hypocritical decision, he responded by simply asking.. “What exactly does the word “is” mean?” This response dumb-founded his accusers and enabled him to reclaim his kingdom under the diversion of his presidential response.

Inside sources tell me that Chuck Smith HAS NOT been silent on this. There have been secret meeting between: Skip, Chuck, Leaping Lanny, McClure, Kestler, F.Castro and Martha Stewart. A representative of the late great Colonel Sanders was also seen entering the meeting with a folder marked “SPECIAL RECIPE“. Obviously, there is a plot for world domination in the works. From now on, I would encourage everyone to avoid fried foods, purify your own water, and eat lots of SPAM.

Sources close to a guy who served B. Broderson a double bacon cheeseburger at Carl Jr’s just south of Murrieta tell us that things are really heating up. Broderson was overheard saying, (into his cell phone), “Can’t Chuck stir his own tea just this one time?“

We’ll have more info available as it comes available. I’m still awaiting revelation. In the words of the great Dr. Edward Daniel Taylor… “every time I have the chili onion supreme from Wally’s Wiener World I am visited in this manner…” – Folks… I’m off to Wally’s Wiener World….