We’re The Blog Chuck Doesn’t Know About
I know, I know.. the Phonics Preacher has been pretty dormant as of lately. There is a reason, and it’s a pretty stinkin good one too. I’ll go fisticuffs with anyone who wants to dispute the validity of my reason’s goodness in the drop of a hat (or a hair-net).
Anyways.. I’ve been trying to propel the impending popularity of Phonics Preacher by attending high-falutin CC events. Just like those vigourous nim-wits from Kansas.. I’ve been traveling all over the nations with my signs.. protesting events in the hopes of gaining important noteriety. Maybe you’ve seen some of my signs at CC funerals and CC mobster meetings. My personal favorite sign reads: “Bob Hates Flags”.. or.. “Flags Will Burn in (a) Pail”..
Anyways.. when people look my way.. I lift my shirt (don’t worry, I’m a guy).. and there, written on my belly is: www.phonicspreacher.wordpress.com.
There has been big news however:
1. Chuck said, at the easter sunrise service.. during the invitation.. while people were praying for salvation.. Chuck would whisper in their ear.. “don’t believe the blob!” - About 123 new believers went home and Googled “the blob”. – What they found was somewhat confusing. The first two results were about the 1958 movie “the Blob” starring Steve McQueen and Aneta Corsaut.. which, by the way, was filmed in Chester County, PA. Reports say, that folks in Chester County, PA are really offended by Chuck Smith’s Statement.
2. Yes.. things are still brewing with Louis Heitzig. Rumor has it, he has contracted with a local S. Cal company to have his head frozen when he dies in hopes that they will someday have the technology to duplicate his hair. Speaking of Skip’s hair.. sources very close to me (well, not real close.. but w/in 7 degrees of seperation)… have claimed that BENNY HINN has commanded his personal hair-dresser to duplicate Skip’s wave on his head. Skip’s lawyers are scrambling over disputes on copyright issues concerning Skip’s hair.
3. Mike Kestler would love to have Skip’s hair too.
4. The brown suits down at CCOF are about to unveil a program that transform CC completely and totally.. starting this June at the Sr. Pastor’s Conference. I’m not saying that I know anything about it.. but if you’re a Sr. Pastor.. I beg of you.. don’t drink the water at Murrietta this year. Those not attending are recieving viles of miracle spring water.. er.. uhh.. I mean.. viles of simple water.. and they are encouraged to drink it as a symbolic act of receiving the H.Spirit. (don’t drink it!)
5. Phonics Preacher is real: sleepy.. busy.. and occasionally.. all freaked out on goof-balls.
hasta lombego!
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oh the hair….that’s too much.
Stephanie - April 19, 2006 at 5:28 pm
transform CC completely?
they have to keep some stuff, what would the board, bored, board, em elders em guys who get placed on the hook for bad decisions do without the ever popular CC shell game? accountability still has to sound like Bill the Cat coughing up a fur ball to them.
Brown suits? – for some reason, in my mind, Napolean Dynamite comes to mind, but without the coursage. Or maybe it’s Uncle Rico with a laminated badge that says CCOF on it, yea that’s it………….
does Raul Ries sound like Pedro or what?
B.E.A. - April 19, 2006 at 6:28 pm
1. For The Blob, you forgot the terrible remake with Kevin Dillion(!?) and Shawnee Smith, made around 2000. Perhaps Chuck is the crazy preacher in the end of that movie – He has the Blob in a jar!
2. Of course everyone wants Skip’s hair: it is either an alien life form unto itself(symbiotic relantionhip), or part of some gov’t conspiracy, keeping all other CC pastors bald, while Skip has “the hair”.
3. Some may say that CC pastors don’t drink water, they live in it, being spineless jellyfish great men of God.
5. Of course no one understands Raul Ries, he is a member of the super secret Chaos Computer Club, and the head of the Club for People who have a Hard Time Being Understood by Others(CPHTBUO)
papias - April 27, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Any well informed Trekkie will tell you that Skip got his hair from E-Bay when he purchased one of the props used as a Yellow Tribble in the original Star Trek series.
Every Get Smart fan knows that KAOS is spelled with a K, not a CH. Come to think of it, Pastor Romaine did talk into his shoe a lot.
Thundermonkey - April 29, 2006 at 8:52 pm